ECW Recap: Where's the WWE?

Well another week, another ECW in the books but something was a tad different tonight. Where was the WWE? Only one actual "WWE SuperStar" was on this show this week as apparently ECW was left to actually be, you know, its own brand for a week. Maybe this is a sign of things to come? All I know is I'm happy I didn't have to see any live Cena tonight....especially after last night's BS. What am I waiting for though there's a TITLE MATCH TONIGHT! On with the show....

ECW Recap 7/11/06

What Happened Last Week Theater

• Let me explain this the easy way. RVD got busted for pot so they took the title off of his dumb ass and put it on the Big Show. There's a storyline to go along with this apparently but that's the gist....lots of video of sad RVD....he really needs to find something that can help him relax

Paul Heyman is Vince McMahon

• Heyman comes out without his hat and in a suit which means he's now EVIL to the ECW Hardcore fans who apparently can't worship a man who looks successful. Wait, you make money now?!?! YOU'RE A SELLOUT! Oh he also comes with two riot cops....who have full shields to apparently stop the cups from the crowd....um this is a SmackDown crowd, they won't throw anything.....hell they came here to actually WATCH SmackDown...nothing can make them mad....
• Heyman busts out a variation on McMahon saying that he didn't screw RVD....the fans did....doesn't have the same ring as "Bret screwed Bret" but it works I guess
• Apparently the fans have such an influence over RVD that they pushed him so hard that he was going to burn himself out with all the title defenses so Heyman screwed him and suspended him for his own good. Wrestler's listen to the crowd that much? Can we somehow use this to get rid of Randy Orton? Please?
• Something that's always bothered me with Heyman....why does he wear that credential? Having worked in the media I can tell you that only pretentious douchebags wear their credentials when they aren't needed, and I don't think Paul needs to wear his around to get places.....just an observation
• Heyman then really starts to channel Vince as he starts calling himself a martyr and uses the word "crucify" to describe what he did to his relationship with RVD....um....this promo is starting to go downhill fast....
• Paul then calls himself a "messiah" and I've now stopped paying attention. Why can't we go one or two weeks without the ridiculous religious blasphemy? AND I'M NOT EVEN THAT RELIGIOUS! It's just not really effective.....
• They cut to a shot of a little girl in the crowd....I'm sure she came to see Sandman drink some beer and cane a freak....all in due time I'm sure sweetie.....
• Heyman then leaves the ring with cops in tow and walks down hallway...camera of course is following him as he walks by a few ECW jobbers and runs into Tommy Dreamer. Apparently (because there's not a mic on him for the first few seconds so I'm assuming) Tommy wants a real explanation from Paul about what's going on. Heyman does some heel "don't have time" bullshit and says Dreamer has a match and it's right now....Dreamer doesn't seem too happy

Coming up....

• Sabu is in action....and they don't say an opponent so I'm wondering what the outcome will be....HMMMM
• Candice and Kelly will do some PG-14 dancing and then Mike Knox will break it up....just a shot in the dark

ADS

• Geico
• NetFlix
• Verizon Wireless
• Empire Carpet
• GMC
• The Scooter Store (What the hell? Um, is this really the target audience? Old people?)

Tommy Dreamer (in STREET CLOTHES~!) vs. Test

• Tazz (r) and Styles make a big deal of the fact that Dreamer isn't ready to wrestle and is in street clothes. Um this guy normally wrestles in a T-shirt and track pants....WHAT DOES IT REALLY FREAKING MATTER?!?!?
• We get a replay of what seemed like the entire Test vs. Al Snow squash from last week....Test hits the TKO and somewhere Marc Mero is at home yelling across the house for Sable to put some damn clothes on before realizing that Sable left him six years ago and he's actually in the bathroom at the Waffle House....
• Let's see...Test = Big Push while Dreamer = Hasn't won a match in what seems like forever....I think Dreamer may job in this one....going out on a limb....
• Test starts the match by slapping Dreamer like he's Stacy....which pisses Dreamer off....doesn't he know that Test only does this because he loves him so much?!
• Tazz (r) makes a point to say this isn't an "Extreme Rules Match"....hmmm....what the hell am I watching then? Heat?
• Match is going rather slow until what sounds like about 10 dateless wonders start a Tommy Dreamer chant....to steal a phrase from my good friend Captain Insano....I guarantee those guys are still virgins....
• Usual big man offense from Test.....punch, punch, kick, kick and powerful looking slams....but no chinlocks so he's already better then Orton!
• Dreamer makes his big comeback but does anyone really think he's winning except for those 10 idiots?
• Off on a tangent here but does anyone remember that Test originally debuted with the gimmick that he was a former Motley Crue Roadie? I kind of seem him like Dell from Wayne's World 2....with steroids....
• Dreamer is owning this match, but Test gets the rollup and uses the Heel Rope Leverage of Extreme Cheating to get the win....so you have to cheat to beat Tommy Dreamer? Come on! This guy has jobbed to EVERYONE lately except for the Zombie....for shame Test....
• Dreamer is in the ring following the loss and gives his "Angry Face" Good stuff Tommy...see you next loss!

Backstage With Vapid Idiots

• We head backstage where Candace is getting dressed while very shitty music is playing...I understand this segment but do you really need the horrible music? My eardrums are bleeding....
• Now dressed (she put on her boa while we were watching....SCANDAL!) Candace walks out and tells Kelly that when they dance tonight it's going to be EXTREME! Wait...is Candace going to hit Kelly with a chair or something?

AD's

• Saturday Night's Main Event - They call Cena the "Most Dominating Force in Sports Entertainment" and I throw up in my mouth. I swear to god PLEASE STOP THIS!!! Don't book him like he's Superman or Stone Cold.....and please ditch the stupid fucking salute. It makes me want to climb a clocktower.....
• You, Me and Dupree
• Burger King Midgets (apparently they raised Knick Knack from "The Man with the Golden Gun" for this ad....Burger King has that much money)
• Girls Gone Wild (now you're hitting your demo)
• Bell South

Non-Sequitor Theater

• The tarot card reader is back and says "What does the future hold".....TWICE....is she teasing me with the Macho Libre stuff or what?
• She finally lets us in on what the future holds (the suspense was killing me) and apparently it's ....BLOOD! And with that Mordecai er...the Vampire comes into screen and spits blood at the camera.....So he's stealing Gangrel's AND Tajiri's gimmicks?

The ECW Mike Knox Weekly Cock Block (tm)

• Candace and Kelly start to dance to some Euro trash techno that makes my ears hurt more then the first song. I may be a quarter German but I don't like their shitty techno BS....MAKE IT STOP!
• Candace is obviously the man in this relationship as she feels Kelly up constantly and even grinds a big as Kelly bends over....can't say this isn't a good visual....
• Then like clockwork here comes Mike Knox to ruin the fun....YAY! Kelly actually shows some personality as she tries to break away from Knox, but before she gets her comeuppance Sandman comes out and does what he does....and by that I mean cut a coherent promo on the trade deficit between the US and China....or he canes the shit out of Mike Knox....believe what you want...

Ric Flair vs. Big Show Tale of the Tape

• So they are ripping ideas off from SmackDown?!?! Why would you do this? Also where are Tazz's Keys to Victory? I always loved them......My favorite was from the Taker vs. Vince Buried Alive Match where Tazz's Key to Victory for Vince was "Avoid the Hole" Really? Is that what you need to do? That advice also goes for prison by the way....
• Oh, and in case you were wondering I'm sure Tazz's Key to Victory tonight would be something along the lines of... "Don't get pinned or submit"

AD's

• Saturday Night's Main Event - DX version
• Two Sci Fi Shows I could give two shits about
• Doritos
• Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby (go see that and Snakes on a Plane this August!)
• Bell South
• TAG
• GameFly

Diva Search Bullshit

• We get a nice recap and plug for the Diva Search and I'm reminded of last night when I got my first taste of the asshole that is...the Miz. If there was ever a bigger waste of genetic material then Randy Orton it has to be the Miz. That man should be immediately sterilized so that he can't curse us with his seed being passed on. If you looked up the word "Douchebag" in the dictionary it would have a picture of his dumbass smiling face. I mean he's got it ALL. Stupid spiked up haircut with multi-color highlights (looks like one of those "to the Xtreme surfer assholes), pretentious shirt that's supposed to be ironically cool but makes you look like a jackass (this week it said, "WHITE BOY"...OH SO CLEVER!), and he has about as much intelligence as the Diva search contestants. Check that, he probably has LESS then they do since they could at least get THROUGH their promo's while he couldn't read a damn NUMBER OFF HIS ARM! Please for the sake of all that is good in this world DON'T PUT THAT ASSHOLE BACK IN FRONT OF MY TV SCREEN!!! Please.....Now back to the show....

CM Punk Promo

• This week Punk takes us on a tour of his various tats....my fave is the "Drug Free" written across his fingers....RVD are you taking any notes?

Sabu (with or without "unidentified" pills) vs. Justin Credible

• Speaking of drug violations...here is Sabu for his weekly ECW win....apparently he didn't get the memo that this isn't an "Extreme Rules" match as he brought a chair with him to the ring, but the ref takes it away......What the hell is going on? Isn't this supposed to be EXTREME Championship Wrestling?
• We get things started and after a little Sabu offense Credible is outside the ring and looking to grab a table...did he not get the "Not Extreme" memo either?
• Sabu then starts with the usual high flying moves that have made him the most over "ECW Guy" there is right now....I'm sure his match at SNME will be great....
• Sabu then puts Credible on the table outside the ring and does an elbow drop from the second rope....and gets DQed.....this not extreme thing is really starting to piss me off.....why even call it ECW? A DQ in ECW?!?!
• Sabu "loses" but Credible looks much worse for the wear.....at least it was a cool spot....

Balls Mahoney Promo (?)

• Apparently this is the week they are trying to get some other guys some TV time as Balls Mahoney explains that while his name is funny (um, maybe in 5th grade....) he enjoys it....and he's "Balls to the Wall" Ugh....I'm sure he'll be MUCH more then a jobber.....

Ric Flair Old Man Ranting to Camera

• Flair starts the promo by saying..."For those who don't know me I'm Ric Flair" Are you serious? Who watches wrestling and doesn't know Ric Flair....
• Ric then rolls on his normal old man rant where he apparently can do nothing but yell and challenges Foley to a match anytime any place....I'm guessing the time will be August 20 and the place will be at SummerSlam in Boston....just a shot....
• He then decides to give the Big Show a blow job and talks about how great he is....okay then...
• The big finish comes with Flair saying he's going to "Eat Show Alive" which is Flair code for "Punch Show in the Genitals"

AD's

• Saturday Night's Main Event - Full card promo
• TAG
• Verizon Wireless
• Burger King
• Girls Gone Wild
• Lectric Shave
• Garlique (Again....not really hitting the target demo....do young men really use garlique? The dude in the commercial looks pretty young....if I was 80 that is...)

Another New Dude Theater

• The camera tilts up from someone's feet showing orange paints, a very feminine looking shirt and then up to the person's head where you can see a HUGE spiked mohawk...the person then turns and looks at cam and has various black "Goth Punk" make up on....and just when I thought it couldn't be any weirder the on-screen graphic tells me that this is SHANNON MOORE? What the fuck happened to him? Apparently being involved with Mattitude turned him crazy....

Extreme Rules Match
ECW World Championship
Ric Flair vs. The Big Show (c)

• Flair comes out first (as a challenger should) but apparently he's a girl and asks the ref to hold the ropes open for him to get into the ring.....that's what guy wrestler’s do for valets Ric....you're better then this....
• As Flair takes off his robe I get my first look at his knee pads which are always on his shins....cracks me up....I like to compare it to the way old guys hike their pants up...no one really understands why...
• This is Ric's first ECW match and it's for the ECW World Title....apparently he still has some of that old Flair booking stroke....
• Show seems to be taking it easy on Flair in the beginning, but then again the man is 800 so he could break at any time....and as Flair lays on the floor (otherwise known as his normal position) we go to....

AD's

• Saturday Night's Main Event - HOGAN WILL BE THERE!!! WATCH AS RANDY ORTON MAKES A HORRIBLE PASS AT BROOKE AND THEN SHITS IN HER GYM BAG AS HULK GIVES THE "ANGRY HULK" LOOK INTO THE CAMERA!! GREAT STUFF!
• Miami Vice (on the fence....but I'll probably see it)
• Geico
• NetFlix
• Lectric Shave
• Fucking weird cartoon jackass for Cartoon Network

Flair vs. Show....the saga continues.....

• We're back and Show press slams Flair....and I'm surprised he's still alive....dude's brittle man...
• And just like that Flair takes a headbutt and is busted open.....SHOCKING!
• Show is beating the hell out of Flair but makes the mistake of picking him off the mat onto his knees....I'm guessing you know what's next....Flair with the punch to the groin....TWICE....Tazz and styles say that since this is an Extreme Rules Match it's all legal....um....excuse me if I'm wrong but I've never seen Flair get DQ'ed for this in the current WWE...even with the ref watching...so is it really that "Extreme"
• Anyway...Flair is having a jolly time hurting Show's genitals that he decides to kick them on two separate occasions....Show is earning that paycheck this week....
• Flair then grabs a barb wire bat from the garbage can of extreme goodies and goes to work on Show....Wait....Flair is using a barb wire bat? Is this the bizarro world?
• Flair is now getting an "ECW" chant as he holds up the barb wire bat....and just like that the Four Horseman are riding across the sky...and I'm not talking about Arn Anderson and Mongo McMichael either....
• Flair is beating the hell out of Show with various weapons...please don't tell me they're putting the title on him....With Cena running around being Superman on RAW I don't think I could take this too...
• Ric kicks things up a notch and throws thumb tacks all over the ring....What the hell am I watching? This is RIC FLAIR right?
• Show takes three chair shots and then falls back first into the tacks....apparently this doesn't make him too happy as he goes NUTS as he gets up chokes slams Flair, and then picks up him and hits the Cobra Clutch Drop to Knee thing, only this time he holds it and chokes Flair out....and your winner and STILL ECW World Champion....The Big Show....
• Show then decides to rag doll Flair FACE FIRST into the tacks....Show is now my favorite wrestler...
• Show leaves the ring triumphant with his belt as they show Flair getting up and having tacks in his chest and on his knee....if he just wore those knee pads on his knees and not on his shins those tacks could have been avoided. There's a lesson to be learned here kids!
• Flair is a bloody mess and is helped to the back and with that we get the copyright and another episode of ECW is in the books

That actually was a pretty good show from top to bottom and any show where Ric Flair gets his ass beat is a good show in my book. I'm very happy to only see ONE (real...Candace doesn't count) RAW crossover this week as it allowed some other ECW storylines and characters to come out of the woodwork...hopefully they can build on this....

Well that's that for this ECW Recap....Should have a BRAND NEW segment up this week and maybe if you're lucky Dave or I will recap SNME this weekend....no promises though....

Until next week.....

Next Week....Maybe Some Recaps....And Other Stuff Perhaps?

Well it seems as the first solid week of recaps kind of sputtered a bit. I blame it on my lack of sleep due to family being in town for a week....but next week....LOOK OUT!! A couple of recaps and perhaps something on Friday as well...for now just enjoy the weekend. Go see Pirates of the Caribbean and don't get caught with weed like RVD....

Until next time...

ECW waits a week

Due to circumstances beyond my control (read: My DVR f'ed up) there will be no ECW recap this week. I know, hold back the tears. But if you really need a quick recap from what I've heard here goes....

• Sandman beat the shit out of some male stripper....I'll take a guess and say he used his cane....
• Kelly did her "Strip Tease that no one actually believes will end with her naked" bit again, but Mike Knox stopped her from not delivering on her nudity....
• And RVD beat Kurt Angle and was speared by Edge (stunner)

There's is a brief synopsis of what went down....sounds like a GREAT show this week. Big doings next week as I'll be writing the RAW recap and maybe Dave will throw you a bone with an ECW recap as well....Enjoy the holiday weekend and DON'T WATCH SMACKDOWN! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

Until next week....

New Format Bitches!

Well as you can tell by the title things are changing around here. Since I never really wrote about stuff other then WWE I've decided to turn this into a WWE and ECW blog. I've also brought in Dave as a regular contributer, and you may see a few guests here and there on some predictions. As you can see Dave has already provided the first RAW recap, and you can expect RAW and ECW recaps each week now....if we both have the time of course, plus maybe a weekly commentary or two....(sorry SmackDown! Fans...your show sucks!) So come back often and enjoy!

Running Random: WWE Vengeance

Written with love by Brad

Had to show this picture when it comes to this PPV. Nothing beats Mick Foley beating the shit out of Ric Flair. Classic stuff. Here's my running random from a pretty good WWE Vengeance pay-per-view last night. As always not a move for move recap...more like my random comments I think of during the event....Enjoy!

Opening Video

• Menacing monologue talks about "Vengeance" (imagine that) while we're shown shots of John Cena being essentially Superman. There is NO WAY he is losing tonight
• Then we move to RVD and Edge...again...I'm 99% sure Edge is the winner tonight
• And last but not least we get out recap of McMahon going nuts and forcing the return of DX....100% sure the Spirit Squad gets the win tonight....just kidding DX kicks their asses...

Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle

• We're live from Charlotte, which is Ric Flair country....so I'm sure he'll get a big ovation...we're starting with this match? Huh...I guess they are trying to warm up the crowd for Kane vs. Kane (CAN'T WAIT!!!)
• Randy Orton makes his entrance and has there been anyone else in wrestling who looks as much like a douchebag as Orton? I mean he just has that smug look on his face all the damn time....he should model for Abercrombie...he'd be PERFECT!
• Start of the match and apparently they decided to play slap fight as they are just slapping each other's hands. Did they mix up the script with one for a women's match or something?
• Kurt is busting out a bunch of amateur wrestling holds, makes me nostalgic for my old wrestling days (although walking around in a singlet wasn't really a highlight)
• Angle tries to German Suplex Orton to the floor, but Randy's hands are holding the rope and they are strong from all the "workouts" he gives them. Not saying what those workouts are, but with his romance skills I doubt he really gets a lot of dates. Girls don't like it when you poop in their gym bags Randy!
• Randy hits the devastating eye gouge on Kurt. A move made famous by Moe and Shemp
• During this match the King gets in all sorts of ECW Zingers. My fave "Most of the ECW fans aren't watching because they don't carry us in prison" ZING!!
• J.R. just said that while Orton is a good looking specimen he wouldn't want to date him. You and the rest of the WWE Divas....
• Orton subjects us to his second rear chin lock of the night....and the crowd is energized to the point where they can't make a sound. That's energy right?
• Orton has decided it's high time to expose the turnbuckle. Typically this is a sign of impending doom for RKO, but I think he's winning this match so Angle will get screwed on this one...
• Angle hits EIGHT (!) German Suplexes in a row! I would be even more impressed had he not stolen that gimmick from Chris Benoit...
• Kurt has just taken down the straps of his singlet. It's time to finish this douchebag...or lose, either way this match is almost over.
• Angle gets the Ankle Lock, but doesn't grapevine the leg which allows Orton to struggle for the ropes. Why the hell doesn't he grapevine the leg everytime? He always wins when he does that, doesn't it just make sense? AM I THE LAST SANE MAN ON THIS PLANET?!?
• Sure enough Randall kicks Kurt who goes head first into the exposed turnbuckle and staggers right into an RKO....and your winner via pinfall Randy Orton! Crowd is actually excited for this which makes me cry inside....
• They show a sign in the crowd that says "RKO WILL KILL ECW" and it's held by....a girl...can't make this stuff up

Vince McMahon's Backstage Tomfoolery (tm)

• Vince is on the phone with someone and is really trying to sell the Spirit Squad, when a kid in a wheelchair rolls up...what?
• Vince is so paranoid that the kid is just a joke from DX that he chastises him and then pushes him out the door where a crash sound effect signifies that the child has probably been killed. McMahon smirks....he's just that evil
• Cue the punchline as Coach runs into to talk to Vince and tells him that one of his family members is here and that he loves Vince. I don't know if I should spoil it for you but I think you know where this is going. Crowd actually laughs at this which means I'm even more scared for humanity.

Umaga vs. Eugene

• Armando gets on the mic pre-match which means awesome results. I'm half Cuban and the man does the accent perfectly. Amazingly enough he doesn't seem to mind the crowd singing along with him as much as it bothered him Monday....that's called continuity....or a lack of it at least.
• Is it just me or is Eugene's gimmick old as hell? There is only so many times I can watch a mentally challenged person get beat up time and time again. The joke isn't funny anymore damnit!
• Eugene has brought some friends with him for backup....first Hacksaw is reanimated again...and then...Doink? Dear God someone needs to put that poor bastard down...
• Kamala is Eugene's third friend and Jamal err...Umaga should get a good look at his future. Someday he'll just be the backup for some retard.
• A STUNNING (read: not) squash for Umaga via the Samoan Thumb of Doom (tm) and then he decides to destroy the Has-Beens as they attack Black Ninja style (for you idiots that means one at a time)
• Kamala gets in the ring to get his whooping but Armando calls Umaga off? What? This unstoppable monster is afraid of a fat guy with some stupid makeup on? Does this mean we have to watch these two feud? I'll get the chair, you can get the rope....

"Tough Questions" Todd Grisham interviews Mick Foley

• Mick decides it's "Storytime with the Rock" and reads from Flair's "novel" Fantastic stuff as he reads how Flair describes him as a glorified stuntman in the book. Mick then promises to out wrestle Flair.....this should be good

Two out of Three Falls
Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley

• We start the match and Foley is really trying to wrestle with Flair. Flair keeps getting Foley's arm twisted but Mick keeps grabbing the ropes. This match sucks so far which means Mick is doing a great job of storytelling. AWESOME!
• Foley in control and hits the Double Arm DDT....if this were Cactus Jack this would be over...wait...
• Mick then pulls out Socko which is decorated to look like Ric Flair as the real Flair staggers to his feet, but before Mick could hit the mandible claw Flair grabs onto his nuts. Yikes. He's like the old dude in Dirty Work....(if you get that reference then you are officially my friend)
• Flair, for reasons beyond rational thought, decides it would be a good idea to jump from the top rope and give Mick the old double axehandle....and then hurts is knee. YOU'RE OLD RIC DON'T DO THAT SHIT!
• Foley regains control and goes for the Figure 4 (he's a jerk like that) but Flair rolls him up for the three and the first fall of the match (1-0 Flair)
• Mick decides it's been enough of this "wrestling" garbage and goes under the ring where magically there is a garbage can full of goodies. Who puts that shit there every night?
• Mick goes after Ric with garbage can (apparently looking for the DQ) but Flair hits him in the nuts (again) and locks on the Figure 4....but Mick isn't going down like that...he grabs the can and hits Flair in the face as the ref calls for the bell. Your winner in a sweep (!) Ric Flair...
• But Mick isn't done with Flair...oh no...he proceeds to beat the living hell out of him with both a garbage can and a bat with barbwire wrapped around it. HOLY SHIT! Flair is bleeding so much that his face is covered as well as his neck and shoulders. MICK FOLEY IS OFFICIALLY MY HERO!!! Nothing makes me smile more then Ric Flair getting his ass kicked!
• The ref brigade comes out to break things up. The director recaps all of this nicely for us via many camera cuts. Mick is happy, Flair is bloody, and old people and children in crowd are horrified. Classic unintentional comedy. Laughed my ass off at the horrified old lady. Why is she at wrestling matches?

Maria interviews Carlito

• Maria starts this off by getting all smart on us and Carlito is stunned. Did I miss a meeting or something? Is she supposed to be smart now?
• Torrie then rolls into the shot and asks Maria if she'll rub baby oil on her. She then asks Carlito to hold her "puppies" and if you don't see the joke coming from a mile away you should go hang with Eugene and Doink.
• Maria and Torrie spread the oil all over each other as Carlito gives hilarious running commentary. Great stuff!

Intercontinental Title
Triple Threat Match
Shelton Benjamin (c) vs. Carlito vs. Johnny Nitro

• Nitro has a great entrance with Melina...but he again covers Melina's assets as she gets into the ring. This is a pay-per-view Johnny! Give the people what they want!
• Nitro shows his ring awareness at the start, but letting Carlito and Shelton beat the crap out of each other while he stood outside with Melina. Great move...very Triple H like out of Nitro....
• Carlito catapults Nitro over the top rope while Shelton is on the ground outside of the ring. Um, wouldn't you want Nitro in the ring to pin if Shelton is outside writhing on the pain on the ground? Anybody?
• Carlito shows his stuff by hitting a springboard moonsault onto Shelton AND Nitro outside of the ring. CARLITO RULES!
• BEST SPOT OF THE NIGHT! Nitro in the tree of woe in the corner with Carlito sitting on ropes above him. Shelton jumps up and grabs Carlito and goes for Superplex, but Nitro sits up and superplexes both Shelton AND Carlito! CRAZY SHIT!!!
• End Game: Carlito hits the backcracker on Shelton, but is pulled out of the ring by Nitro who covers Shelton for the pin. And we have a new champion....nice to see Nitro pulling the old Kurt Angle championship win (sorry if you haven't watched wrestling long enough to get that reference)

Vince's Backstage Tomfoolery (tm) #2

• Vince is in his office with the Spirit Squad trying to get them pumped up to "destroy" DX. "DX is a disease and you are the cure" Riveting dialogue...
• Just noticed Mitch has a Biohazard symbol tattooed on his arm. He's hardcore....except for that male cheerleader thing....
• Spirit Squad leaves and Vince looks at the (ugh) Penis Pump DX had left for him that's sitting on his end table....he then goes through the horrible long process of debating whether or not to use it. He then grabs it and goes into the bathroom, but instead of a pump noise we hear a spray can....Vince then walks out with green paint all over his face. It's better then having hairy palms Vince! Remember doing that stuff will make you go blind....GOD IS WATCHING!

WWECW Championship
Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Edge (w/Lita)

• Edge makes his entrance and Lita is looking as slutty as ever, but I'm not a fan of the bangs she's sporting now....that just sounded pretty gay....
• Edge looks ready to regain the title....and that should happen in about 15 minutes....
• Between entrances JR wishes the Rock well in his recovery from his recent injury. This is code for "PLEASE COME BACK FOR WRESTLEMANIA ROCK....PLEASE!!"
• Edge cuts a wicked anti-North Carolina logo. He bashes the Carolina Hurricanes (I agree that no team in the South should have a hockey championship...just silly) and even gets in a brothers dating sisters crack. Classic heel shit there....
• RVD makes his entrance and the crowd goes....apathetic....what do you expect when you set up ECW as a heel organization? He's not getting cheered or booed...which is sad...
• Edge hits RVD with sunset flip onto the floor outside of the ring....LOTS of great outside of the ring action going down tonight.
• King continues with the CONSTANT ECW bashing. Yes King, we get it, ECW could stand for "Extremely Crappy Wrestling." It wasn't funny the first 3,546 times you said it. Could someone just turn his mic off?
• We get a ref bump, and Lita makes a bee-line for the belt and she hands it to Edge...why do RVD's opponents ALWLAYS do this stupid shit...Edge then holds the belt up to his face for some reason and RVD hits the VanDaminator as he gets up. Gee...that NEVER happens when RVD's opponent brings a weapon into the ring. WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARN?!?!
• RVD goes for the Five Star, but Lita makes the save...phew...RVD as a champ is just not good TV folks...
• Edge gets the upper hand again and is waiting for RVD to get up for the spear. For some reason beyond normal thinking Lita is holding a chair up behind RVD...which means only one thing....Edge goes for the spear, misses and hits the chair. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?! JR says Edge was going to spear RVD into the chair, but the chair was placed INSIDE of the turnbuckles so RVD would have him them first and not the chair. Great looking spot, but the logic is FUCKING RETARDED!
• RVD goes up and this time he hits the Five Star and gets the pin...What? They're keeping the belt on RVD? Um, yay?

ECW Celebrates

• We go to the back where ECW is enjoying the RVD victory, and Paul E. gives a pep talk for the upcoming Cena match. Um, is that an Amish guy in the background? How is an Amish guy not considered "sports entertainment" and in turn considered "hardcore?" I scanned the group if you were wondering and no sign of Macho Libre or the Zombie....DAMNIT!

Best Match Ever
Kane vs. "Imposter" Kane

• YESSS!!!! The match we've all been waiting for!
• A TON of technical wrestling to start....a couple of moonsaults and a northern lights suplex...great stuff.....Nah I'm just fucking with you....horrible big guy brawling...hurts my brain...
• So many punches and no real moves going on....and it's been another five minutes....getting ready to gouge out the eyes....
• Quote from the King, "Every move the imposter does is the exact same thing Kane does." Except that he SUCKS....
• JR calls this an "ugly match".....NO SHIT!
• Kane goes up top for the flying lariat but the Imposter grabs him for the chokeslam and that's it. I guess this means this horrible feud will probably continue to SummerSlam where the "payoff" will be an unmasking of the imposter. Storylines like this make me die a little inside....

Extreme Lumberjack Match
Sabu (w/ECW Jobbers) vs. John Cena (w/RAW Jobbers)

• Nice to see Val Venis getting some work as a RAW Lumberjack....is there a sadder collection of talent then that surrounding the ring? Matt Striker? Balls Mahoney? Viscera? The list goes on and on....
• Cena comes out to boos and girl cheers and JR calls him a soldier....way to keep things in perspective JR....
• JR then makes the best comment all night when he compares Cena to Moses as he "parts" the Lumberjacks on the way to the ring....We're all going to hell for listening to this stuff...
• Cena is thrown outside the ring and is mauled by the Amish guy and Al Snow. I wish I were making this stuff up...
• Cena gets back in and is thrown out again...this time he eats the business end of Sandman's Cane. And with that Sandman's out of ideas and just throws Cena back in....thanks for playing!
• Sabu hits the triple jump moonsault, which is always awesome....and it's good for a two count (duh)
• Sabu is basically kicking Cena's ass left and right around the ring....and we all see what's coming...another ridiculous Superman comeback for Cena....
• Cena back on the outside being held on a table by Sandman and Dreamer while Sabu sets up his props for a big spot....but Big Vis comes into make the save and Cena hits Sabu in the face with the cane....Sad that Big Vis is getting a pay-per-view paycheck out of this....
• Back in the ring Cena picks up Sabu for the FU and does it.....by throwing him through the table on the outside of the ring....Sabu is fucking nuts by the way....
• Vis rolls Sabu back into the ring and instead of just pinning him Cena has to lock in the STFU and after a minute Sabu half ass taps. I just threw up in my mouth a little there. Why do you have Sabu tap to that gay ass move? IF YOU WANT CENA TO WIN JUST HAVE HIM PIN HIM DAMNIT!!! Is this stuff so hard to write?

Stilted Dialogue Theater

• After a bunch of replays and an ad for SummerSlam, RVD bumps into John Cena in the back and then RVD reads off his cue cards in some of the worst talking in recorded history. I...mean...why...can't...he...just...have...a...natural...speech...pattern...instead...of...speaking...with ....long...pauses?
• In the end RVD challenges Cena to a WWE Title match on RAW tomorrow....DEAR GOD WHY?!?! So they are putting the title back on Cena.....WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!!!

Handicap Match
D-Generation X vs. The Spirit Squad (w/Trampoline)

• Long ass entrance for DX, but I loved every second of it. What can I say, I'm a sucker for 1997....good year....
• Triple H gets the crowd to say "SUCK IT" followed directly by HBK getting them to say it as well. I never thought I'd miss the Outlaws (especially Bad Ass Billy Gunn) but this makes me....at little.....
• Triple H and HBK can't agree who goes in first so they go with the old Paper, Scissors, Rock for it. If you're keeping score at home HBK got the win with Scissors over Paper....you had to know Triple H wouldn't pick the Rock (get it? HA HA HA HA...yeah it wasn't funny)
• This match is pretty much what you expected, a little Black Ninja action, some wacky cheerleader hijinks and such and such...no need to comment really
• End Game: Pedigree from Triple H on somebody followed by Sweet Chin Music for someone else....and your winners are DX
• Post match DX beats the hell out of the Spirit Squad, and then they decide to start a new club. The Triple H Up My Ass Club. Trips pulls down his pants and HBK sticks Mitch's face completely up Trips ass crack....They aren't paying Mitch enough money....yuck!
• Vince then comes out and stands on the entrance ramp smiling smugly and tells Triple H and HBK that "he'll see them tomorrow night" Squeeze in the copyright and that's all she wrote.....

Well that pretty much sums it up. Not the greatest show ever, but not the worst either. Kind of left me feeling like it was a long commercial for RAW tomorrow, but we'll see how things go. Tomorrow is the beginning of another dark chapter that is another Cena title reign...I'm sure you're all looking forward to it.....God help us.....

Until next time....

Point/Counterpoint: WWE Vengeance Preview

It's time for another RAW pay-per-view...this time the June extravaganza known as WWE Vengeance. This used to be one of the "Big 5" ppv's when it was called King of the Ring, but now it's just relegated to another spot in the order. However, this does seem to be a pretty stacked PPV since RAW has been hitting a high note lately, and with the addition of ECW things are looking up.

For this preview, I invited my friend Dave to go over some picks in a Point/Counterpoint style....Dave and I have been to a TON of ppv's and have watched wrestling our entire lives...so these should be interesting...Without further ado....

Eugene w/Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Umaga

Dave's Pick: Umaga

Oh tough choice...who do I care about less? Eugene is on a revenge mission for his buddy Jim Duggan, while Umaga is getting a huge push that defies explanation. Though I really do dig on Estrada. I guess I'll tip my hat to Umaga unless they want to do the "retard who can't control his anger" thing with Eugene that we seemed to get a peek of Monday. OOOOMaga defeats Eugene with taped up thumb chop (god I wish I were making up that finisher)

Brad's Pick: Umaga

Please....if you honestly think Eugene is going to win this match then you probably have an unhealthy man crush on Hacksaw or you ride the short bus. Why do you push Umaga like that and then have his first loss be to a sideshow freak. Eugene loses it on Umaga, who will no sell it like no tomorrow, and give him the Samoan Thumb of Doom (tm)....after the match the Texas Tornado will rise from the dead, and he and Umaga will feud over who's finisher is worse.....good times...

Kane vs. The Freakin' Deacon...er...Old Kane

Dave's Pick: Kane

Oh god I really wish Big Show had just taken Kane out back and shot him at Backlash, then I"d be spared this nonsense. Remember Undertaker vs. Undertaker? Remember that train wreck? And this time we don't even have Leslie Neilson helping us figure things out. Not only that but fake Kane doesn't even look as much like real Kane as the Under-faker looked like Taker. I know he has a mask, what I mean is that he's 2 inches too short and has no discernable physique. Anyway I'm guess Kane beats "Kane" with a chokeslame and much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Brad's Pick: Old Kane

This match has the potential to make me want to gouge my own eyes out...much like in that movie Kane was in...forgot what it was called. They haven't done too much promo work for that on WWE television lately. As for the "match" I predict a lot of standing and staring, a bunch of punches and no selling like crazy. Kane will get the advantage by actually doing a wrestling move, but then some stupid supernatural shit will happen which will give the Old Kane the win and continue this god-awful angle until SummerSlam. Hooray!

Intercontinental Title Match
Shelton Benjamin (c) vs. Carlito vs. Johnny Nitro (w/Melina)

Dave's Pick: Shelton Benjamin

This might be the toughest match of the show to pick. I'd like to see Carlito pick up the win and the title here becuase I'm a big Carlito fan. But part of me thinks he's done with the IC title and it's time to get him into the WWE title hunt. Nitro on the other hand isn't quite there yet. Tons of potential, he'll be IC champ by the end of the year. But for now I'd leave it on Shelton. If they were smart, they'd turn Nitro and Melina face. Then he can pick up the title at Summerslam and Melina can take on Mickie for the Womens title since she's just spinning her wheels until Trish gets back from injury. They can do that whole "golden couple" thing HHH and Steph did a few years ago. For those reasons I think Shelton Benjamin defeats Carlito and Nitro with the suprise T-bone on Carlito after he dispatches Nitro

Brad's Pick: Shelton Benjamin

This is a VERY tough match to pick, so I'll just go with the story I want to see played out. I think Benjamin wins the strap by pinning Nitro due to some shenanagins and then Carlito can spend the next month chasing Shelton say "you didn't pin me" and get a shot at SummerSlam. This could be the show stealing match of the night, and hopefully I'll still have my eyes after the Kane vs. Kane debacle.

"Extreme" Lumberjack Match
John Cena vs. Sabu

Dave's Pick: John Cena

I'll cop to it...I was never a huge ECW guy. I watched a bit but I didn't follow cloesly. I had no real problem with it, but it never caught my fancy. In retrospect I wish I had watched a bit closer as I tend to enjoy the tapes of it I see today. I'm kind of digging ECW on Sci-Fi. And I like Sabue even if he's just a little past his prime. So I'll have to give the duke to Cena on this one, since odds are after this PPV ECW will have less and less to do with RAW and Cena will be right back in the WWE Title Hunt (dammit). Plus this match was his idea so he must have his own lumberjacks up his sleeve. If he were smart he'd bring those gun toting "gangster" assholes from his uber-queer WrestleMania entrance. Cena defeats Sabu with that dumbass STFU

Brad's Pick: John Cena

Anyone who's read this blog knows my wonderful feelings for John Cena. Well after the ECW PPV I actually have to say that I respect his ability to work the crowd. He did a GREAT job interacting with the crazy ECW fans. However, he's still an annoying asshole and I would LOVE to see him do the job here...but come on. Do you really think they are jobbing Cena out here? When was the last time he lost clean? Think about that one for a bit....he's like the New Millenium Hulk Hogan except the fans hate him. Oh and before I hear the "Edge beat him clean" comment...it was AFTER a elimination chamber when he could barely stand...not clean folks. Since this is the first ECW crossover of the evening I will give my thoughts on that. I'm enjoying the product thus far, especially Macho Libre. Funniest character they've had in freaking years. Oh, and as far as this match premise goes...what's real "extreme" about a bunch of jobbers standing around the outside? I mean does Tony Mamaluke and Balls Mahoney brooding at ringside really scare anyone? Anyone? Sabu will hit some highspots, but in the end I see an STFU in his future....and you can hear me gagging already.

Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

Dave's Pick: Randy Orton

Please. Angle kicks all kinds of ass, but he's already made Orton his bitch...twice. So I guess that means Orton is due or something stupid like that. Plus this is "WWE rules", which is dumb given that Angle never cheats, he just pounds on people until they tap. Anyway look for Orton to get the fluke win...like he gets any other kind.

Brad's Pick: Randy Orton via shitting in Kurt's singlet

Ah, nothing screams great match like Randy Orton. I'm looking forward to the 100 ways he does a boring chin lock. Always top notch. Due to "WWE Rules" Angle won't be able to choke Orton out this time...wait...he hasn't choked Orton out before? Oh well I guess that means the "WWE rules" thing is complete bullshit. Orton gets the win here because they really can't just have him lose to Angle over and over and over...can they?

Two out of Three Falls Match
Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley

Dave's Pick: Ric Flair (2-1)

If Sabu is past his prime then Ric Flair is practically dead. I've always hated the guy, but now it's really time for him to sit down before he falls down. Mick of course is the reason to watch this match, as he always is. Mick says he's going to be dogging it on Sunday so my guess is this is only the beginning of the feud. Hopefuly we get a nice big hardcore blow out at SummerSlam, where Foley can kick Flair's ass properly...if nothing else Flair can really take an ass beating like few others. So look for Flair to get the nod here.

Brad's Pick: Mick Foley (2-0...just kidding 2-1)

Why is it that all two out of three falls match inevitiably come down to one fall? Has there ever been a sweep? Well tonight won't be the night we see it. Mick has promised the worst match we've ever seen, but will end up being a couple matches too late as Kane has already wrestled his match (zing!). Eventually Ric Flair may just die inside the ring...or break a hip or something. Unfortunately for all wrestling fans Flair hasn't decided that he needs to put a shirt on when he wrestles so we'll be subject to his saggy breasts the entire match. UGH! Foley takes the first fall via mandible claw, Flair takes second via figure four, and then Edge and Lita help Mick (via a hardcore way) steal the third fall...this setting up Flair going fucking apeshit and stripping naked on a future RAW and challenging Mick to a hardcore match at SummerSlam....

Handicapped Match
DX vs. The Spirit Squad

Dave's Pick: DX

I dig both teams here, and I know this match will be hilarious and fun no matter who wins. But Michaels and HHH won't be laying down on their big comeback match. For the record the best name for that finisher the cheerleaders use is the Sis Boom Bah-dy Slam. DX wins via Sweet Chin Music and Pedigree and a lot of miscommuncation on the part of the cheerleaders.

Brad's Pick: DX

For the record Dave, your name of that finisher for the Spirit Squad makes me question your sanity....that name will haunt my night terrors. Anyway, how can you pick against DX in this one? While the Spirit Squad has been main eventing RAW for the past month I still don't think HHH is going to use his stroke to lay down to these jackasses. The promos from DX should be one of the highlights of the night, and the male cheerleaders are definitely a great gimmick for DX to skewer. Unfortunately I'm very afraid of what kind of promos we'll see out of Vince. His track record for the past two PPV's haven't been so good...but at least he won't have to damn us all to hell this time by talking about God....ugh....

WWECW Championship
Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Edge

Dave's Pick: Edge

So if Van Dam loses here...does he lose the ECW title too? Or just the WWE title? It's pretty unclear. In any event I say Edge gets the "W" here. Van Dam can't use any chairs and there's always the Lita factor to contend with. Edge picks up the title here and goes back to feuding with Cena. Van Dam takes his ECW title to Sci-Fi and has some feuds of his own. And please....for the love of GOD...can we get the real WWE title belt back and lose that douche-bag spinner one?

Brad's Pick: Edge...with help

So RVD is finally champ...and then cuts some of his "greatest" promos the past two weeks. UGH....there is a reason he hasn't held the big one up until now and that's because he can't string two sentences together. It's like watching some pro athlete read of cue cards on some shitty local ad for a car dealership. Edge, on the other hand, is fantastic in all aspects and should get the win here. I'm assuming that Edge will get it through some shady means, which will give RVD the ability to claim that he was "screwed" by the WWE and therefore he's still the ECW champ. I would like to see a new ECW guy come into this match and screw RVD to set up a feud for ECW, but I don't really know what guy out there could really do the job. Rhyno just re-upped with TNA so in reality there aren't that many people they could bring in. This match SCREAMS for a surprise and we may see it. I just hope it's not Test...dude needs to work his way back up....Edge wins this match and goes on to continue his feud with John Cena leading to Cena taking the title back at SummerSlam, and me jumping off the TD Banknorth Center in Boston...remember it is Cena's hometown.....

And that is that. Again check back tonight for a Running Random on WWE Vengeance and we'll see how these picks hold up.

Until next time....

Running Random: WWE Backlash

Well after yesterday's NFL Draft I sat down and watched WWE Backlash and decided to give you yet another "Running Random" on the event. I didn't timestamp these things since I watched it off the DVR late Sunday night...but these are my thoughts as I watched the event...so enjoy...

2006 WWE Backlash

Well here I am again, another day, another running diary of my thoughts on an event. Now I'm pretty excited for this PPV because I think John Cena will FINALLY lose that damn title...but knowing my luck it won't happen. Let's hope for the best and get things started

Opening Video

• Vince thinks he's God, so he booked himself into a tag match with God....I only feel like this can get worse...
• Triple Threat match for WWE Title....Cena BETTER not win...
• JR is apparently calling the PPV...are they trying to phase out Styles so he can work ECW? Oops did I give away the surprise?

Chris "The Masterpiece" Masters vs. Carlito

• Pick: Carlito....how can Masters win this match?
• If you need any proof as to why people think wrestling is gay look no further than Chris Masters' entrance...yikes...
• Video plays of Carlito and Masters "feud"...King says the "turning point" was when Carlito hit Masters and turned on him....thanks for the tip King...
• Masters chokes Carlito with his own shirt....right in front of the ref...um is it me or isn't that illegal? Guess not anymore...
• Referee Mike Chioda is sporting a sweatband on his "pin counting arm"....yes he's that hardcore....
• Masters does a turnbuckle powerbomb on Carlito, which I have enjoyed doing on my PS2 for years now. First time I've actually seen it done for real though. Bravo....
• Masters goes for a cover after a leg drop, but only gets a two count. If that were Hulk Hogan it would be OVER.
• Carlito throws his apple across the ring...and apparently Masters is so stupid that he stares at the apple and Carlito kicks him in the shins....great storytelling...
• Carlito applies Master Lock (Full Nelson) to Masters....who then shows everyone how to break out of the move...so does that mean he won the Master Lock challenge?
• Carlito goes for a cover on Masters, and I think he was supposed to kick out before the three count, but apparently he forgot because the ref had to bail him out by slowing down the third count. Yes Masters is that bad of a wrestler....
• Carlito cheats and gets the win over Masters...thank God because I couldn't go through with that anymore...

Maria interviews Lita...recipe for disaster

• Before this they showed a sampling of Kentucky wrestling fans (no need for a joke here) and Lita makes a Dukes of Hazard crack...way to go Lita...must have thought long and hard for that zing

Umaga vs. Ric Flair

• Pick: Umaga...I really wish he'd just go away, but he's getting the win...
• Why did they saddle Jamal with this gimmick, and why can't people tell who he is? It's pretty obvious who's under the make-up people...
• Umaga vs. Flair = Biggest Boobs of the Night (Sorry Lita, thanks for playing)
• Flair with two shots to the groin in the first two minutes of the match...way to go the well more than necessary...
• Umaga gets the win using the worst finishing move I've ever seen. Imagine the Tornado Punch only much worse. This gimmick is going nowhere fast...which means Umaga will be IC champ by SummerSlam...
• JR goes way overboard in putting over Umaga...and then King makes an horrible illegal immigrant joke....followed by awkward silence for a moment and JR moving onto a different subject...classic stuff....

Vince and Shane promo

• Vince is looking abnormally tan for the second straight month. Apparently he must go to the same tanning place that Hogan frequents....
• Vince is talking about how he's going to go over on God tonight in their tag team match. Kids it always pays to be the booker...you can even make God pull a job apparently....
• As I listen to Vince compare himself to God I think I'm going to Hell just for paying for this....
• Apparently Vince's "God Power" is paying staffers to throw fish and bread from off camera....a "miracle" if I've ever seen one...

Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus - WWE Women's Championship

• Pick: Mickie James retains...either by win or DQ....this one's going to SummerSlam folks...
• Mickie goes for three straight covers....that always works....apparently she doesn't actually watch wrestling
• Trish gets the win via DQ, but Mickie's the champ...gotta love the non-finish...classic WWE

Maria interviews HBK

• HBK says Vince can't book God and God won't actually be there in person....really?
• HBK does the "Suck It" thing again...I really hope they aren't teasing the DX reunion just to be dicks...this better happen

RVD vs. Shelton Benjamin - WWE Intercontinental Title and Money in the Bank

• Pick: RVD...There is NO way RVD loses this match...he's using his money in the bank stip at ECW One Night Stand in June...
• Whatever happened to Shelton's mama? I love how they just drop gimmicks....like how Booker T actually lost the "T" from his name and never won it back....
• JR says RVD "loves 4:20" and then goes on talking about something completely different. What the hell? Way to connect the dots...
• RVD does his thumbs thing for the third time this match...over/under 30 more....
• Lots of chin locks after a couple of high spots. Apparently they are doing a tribute to Randy Orton...
• RVD misses a frog splash and does the great oversell job...Shelton then hits a STIFF DDT....fantastic....need more of those....
• Okay, why is it that everyone who fights RVD always brings a foreign object into the ring? You know it's just going to be used against you? Sure enough Benjamin brings in the briefcase and RVD ends up using it for the VanDammintor....shocking!
• RVD takes the victory and is now the IC Champ....looks to me like it's time for the "Ultimate Challenge" I just hope his promos leading up to it are as good as the Warriors...but alas I don't think that will happen...

Kane vs. Big Show

• Pick: Kane...because he has a movie opening...May 19 I think it is...
• It's evident that Kane can't separate his movies from reality....I hear Robert Downey Jr. has the same problem...
• Show does a promo before his match and references his FANTASTIC star turn in "The Waterboy" I can't believe the Academy overlooked his gritty portrayal of Captain Insano...
• Lilian Garcia shows how "great" of an actress she is as she feigns fear as she announces Kane....somebody needs a class or two at the Y
• Do I really need to comment on this match? It's two big guys wrestling....you know the drill...punches, kicks, a couple of body slams, and dueling chokeslams...
• Okay so the match has taken a turn for the worse.....the arena goes red and Kane's voice starts chanting "May 19th, It's coming" and all sorts of other garbage over the loud speakers. Kane is tormented by his voice and is rolling around the ring. If it was so bad then why did he record the track to be played over the speakers? This is probably the stupidest thing I've ever seen in the WWE....and I've seen Doink the Clown.
• I think what scares Kane about May 19th is the Da Vinci Code starring Tom Hanks' Haircut which opens that day....creepy...
• Big Show clobbers Kane with chair to end the madness. Show puts out some fake crying to show that he "cares" about Kane's mental state....more great acting....Basically this feud was so that you don't forget Kane's movie comes out May 19...it's the one you'll read on the showtime list that will fall right after the Da Vinci Code...so I guess no one will even know it's there.....

Vince and Candace in "Worse Backstage Skit Ever"

• Let me set the scene for you. Candace goes to Vince saying she has a chest cold, and since Vince is "God-Like" wants his healing powers. Apparently that means Vince feels Candace up, while Candace has an orgasm....I'm not kidding....They both WAY oversell things as the go towards the couch, and THANKFULLY Shane breaks up the festivities.
• JR then somes everything up...."What the hell was that?" Exactly....

HBK and God vs. Vince and Shane McMahon

• Pick: HBK...if only to end the madness
• Vince introduces God, who gets his own music and Titantron Video and a spotlight...classy. The spotlight makes its way towards the ring and Vince decides...to talk to it....yep it keeps getting better...Vince then tells "God" that the WWE gets "jiggy with it" so they started playing 70's disco music as the spotlight "danced" its way into the ring and while Vince danced as well. What....the....hell....am....I....watching.
• Vince decides to have more fun by asking the ref to check "God" for illegal stuff. The ref tries to tell Vince that it's only a spotlight, but Vince is having none of that....no...he's crazy!
• Finally HBK comes down to the ring...Vince keeps going with the crazy talk until HBK slaps the mic out of his hand. THANK YOU! God does indeed work in mysterious ways....
• Shane, per the usual in pay-per-view matches, takes a ton of stiff bumps on various hard objects. That man is a gamer...
• Vince and HBK crash from the stage "through the floor" Read: Through tables with padding underneath
• HBK is getting his ass beat in the middle of the ring....when is God coming in with the hot tag? Sorry had to make the joke....
• HBK is out in the center of the ring (various weapon shots) and Vince is back in the stick...Now he's talking to the ring post as if it were God...and he imagines God leaving HBK high and dry....guess God doesn't even want to stick around for this match...
• HBK gets his "second wind" as and hits double Sweet Chin Music...followed by DX crotch chops...DON'T TEASE ME!!
• HBK goes for huge ladder spot, but hits Spirit Squad instead...the Spirit Squad help the McMahons go over. King makes the unfortunate God joke..."The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit Squad" I can't believe this...now we're going to have to endure MORE of the Vince is God garbage...GOUGE OUT MY EYES!!!

Tough Questions Todd Grisham interviews John Cena

• Grisham calls Cena "Most Controversial WWE Champ in History" Controversy? What controversy? 90% of people hate him...that my friend is called a consensous...
• Cena says there is a "group" that wants Triple H to win title....that group...everybody....
• Cena then looks into camera and calls us "Haters"....nice comeback...HE BETTER LOSE DAMNIT!!

Triple thre....wait a Matt Stiker Segment?

• Striker segment on a PPV? Did I just change the channel to Heat or something?
• Eugene comes out and you know where this is going. Let's just say there is a "poop" chant and boogers were involved. This is the ammunition people have when they question why we watch wrestling....

Triple Threat match for WWE Title

• Pick: Edge...but as long as Cena doesn't win I'm happy
• Edge comes out and the crowd goes....apathetic...not his fault...Trips is the face in this one and Cena's the heel...so Edge is just "the other guy"
• HHH comes out to cheers (and he's a heel mind you) but sadly no Conan Thrown this time....makes me kinda sad...
• Cena comes out to boos...apparently Kentucky is full of "Haters"
• Traditional start to triple threat match...3 minutes of talking....
• Cena and HHH take turns playing "one up" while beating the crap out of Edge...good clean fun...even with Cena involved
• Cena goes for his Five Knuckle Shuffle (a little less stupid then Umaga's punch) but Lita gives him the low bridge on the ropes....for once I'm actually happy with Lita cheating (inside joke...sorry if you didn't get it)
• Edge tries to DDT HHH through Spanish Announce Table...but Table is sick of being beaten up and is having none of it...HHH just takes a hard shot on table and falls off of it....
• Cena slaps on the...ugh...STFU....on Edge. HE BETTER NOT TAP DAMNIT! HHH grabs Edge's hand so there is no tap...Thank God...or should I say Thank McMahon...wait...no....
• Cena now tries STFU on HHH....no way HHH is tapping again....and he gets out of it....
• Lita has a chair in the ring and goes after HHH, but gets nailed with a GREAT spinebuster from Trips. He does the best spinebuster in the business. AWESOME!
• HHH foregoes the chair for a sledgehammer under the ring....not a good decision...these things never end well...sure enough Edge hits him with the spear....
• Cena's has Edge up for the FU (BOO)...REVERSE TO PEDIGREE (CHEER)...Reverse to roll up...wait...NOOOOO!!! Cena pins HHH on crappy roll up. DAMNIT!!! WHY DO YOU KEEP THE BELT ON THIS GUY!!! Thankfully HHH takes out our collective anger on Cena with a sledgehammer. He then does the DX crotch chop, walks up the ramp and does it again for good measure....I suppose I can overlook this Cena win if the end result is DX getting back together....let's hope it happens because I can't take much more of this....

And that's that. I did a pretty good job picking the winners but the one match I really cared about ends with Cena and the win....DX BETTER GET BACK TOGETHER TOMORROW!! I MEAN IT!!!

Until next time....

Running Random: 2006 NFL Draft

Sorry about the lack of posts the past couple of weeks. You will be rewarded with back-to-back "Running Random" posts where I pretty much keep a running diary during an event. Our first event is essentially my Christmas...the NFL Draft....so without further ado...

Running Random on the 2006 NFL Draft

NOON - It's time for one of my favorite events of the year, the NFL Draft. I'm sitting on my couch wearing my Lions Roy Williams jersey, with a Mountain Dew and some Pizza Rolls, so I'm ready to go! I get the feeling the Lions may take a QB today, but more on that later...on with the show!

12:06 - They are showing Reggie Bush and Mario Williams in the green room. Anyone else hoping for them to bust out in a fight? It would be great if Williams was walking out and Bush cracked him in the back with a chair. Talk about a draft moment....

12:07 - So Reggie Bush's family "rented" a house from a guy named Michael Michaels...who "amazingly" may have some interesting connections....never trust a man with two first names...they are always shady

12:08 - Bush is interviewed and says he's, "Preparing for the best" I think what he meant to say is "F-off Houston"

12:10 - I'm wondering if Vegas has the odds on the over under for the first Mel Kiper vs. Merril Hodge fight? I'm thinking it will be around 12:45....Mel Kiper is the best. The man looks almost the same as he did during his first draft coverage, plus he knows every college football player on the planet Earth. He's what makes the draft great.....

12:14 - And with the first pick the Texans take Mario Williams....because he would take less money....good move Texans, we'll see you back at the top of the draft next year. Houston will rue the day they didn't take Bush....

12:16 - Michael Irvin is so angry that the Texans didn't take Bush that I think he may be getting a cut of Bush's first contract. Someone needs to tell Michael that the 2nd pick can actually get paid more than the first....look at Charles Rogers....ugh..I think I'm going to be sick...

12:18 - They just showed a shot of the Saints fans having their party at the Saints Practice Facility. Hmm, think they may be happy with Houston's pick?

12:24 - Oh by the way, had the Lions lost to the Saints last season they would be the ones with the 2nd pick. Here's what would have happened. They would have traded the pick, drafted Vince Young and ruined him while Reggie Bush runs to the Hall of Fame....so I guess I'm happy Millen didn't get that chance to screw things up....at least not yet....

12:28 - And with the second pick the Saints take Reggie Bush. Drew Brees is so excited he high fives his friend and sets himself back three months after shoulder surgery.....

12:29 - Saints fans are very happy at practice facility....and in a related story the suicide rate of Texans fans has suddenly increased.

12:30 - It's the first time they've compared Bush to Gail Sayers....I'm guess we're going to hear that about oh about 1,000 more times in the next few hours...

12:35 - The Titans select Vince Young, and even went to the trouble of actually having a number 10 jersey for him instead of the number one that most guys get...and the Titans were "undecided" over which QB huh? By the way, Leinart is slipping and Millen is salivating...

12:37 - They just showed a Young highlight from the Rose Bowl against Michigan....gotta love all the Michigan arm tackles....counted at least 10....great defense there Jim Herman...

12:39 - Chris Berman just said that Young got into a bicycle accident as a kid and had a handlebar stuck in his stomach...damn...he's hardcore....TAKE THAT MCNAIR!

12:45 - They haven't gone to Merrill Hodge yet to make some ridiculous comment on how horrible Vince Young is (he said he wouldn't pick him in the first DAY of the draft...crazy)...I'm kind of surprised. Hodge vs. Kiper is always good for a few filler minutes. Also leave it to the Jets to slow down the draft. We ALL know you're taking the Brick....

12:47 - And the Jets take D'Brickashaw and the Jets fans...cheer? What? By the way if you're scoring my ESPN draft pool at home I'm 4-4 right now....

12:50 - That Under Armour "Click, Clack" commercial is annoying as hell. Unfortunately I think I'm going to be seeing it A LOT today.

12:57 - Green Bay is taking forever to make a decision on something they've already made their mind up about. Maybe Brett Favre is running their draft now....

12:58 - Berman says he doesn't think the Lions are looking to take Leinart if he slips. "Lions aren't looking QB" Almost sounds like "Lions aren't looking Receiver"

12:59 - A.J. Hawk is taken by the Pack (5-5)....I hate the Packers already and putting Hawk on the team only helps that out. CUT THE HAIR!

1:05 - Vernon Davis is picked by the 49ers (6-6) and promptly pulls and Adam Morrison by balling his eyes out. I'm sure his new 49er teammates won't make fun of him for that....

1:06 - Davis is officially picked by the 49ers (he was on the phone with them earlier) and it's a great pick. That dude is a freak, but needs to temper the crying down a bit.

1:11 - Raiders are now on the clock, and they are about to break the Lions hearts and take Michael Huff....just you watch

1:13 - Vernon Davis says to Suzy Kolber that he's motivated by Kellen Winslow Jr.....I'm sure that's exactly what the 49ers wanted to hear. Let's hope he's not motivated to take motorcycle lessons from Winslow....

1:14 - Huff goes to the Raiders (7-7) and Millen is already starting to scribble "Matt Lei..." on the Lions draft card...

1:19 - Where's the Madden 07 commercial? I swear if I have to watch that "Click, Clack" add 1,000 times today I better be able to at least get a look at the new Madden...

1:26 - The Bills are up and they take...Donte Whitner?!?! That high? They shouldn't let Levy out of the home....but at least that leaves Leinart for the Lions...

1:30 - I'm officially drinking the "Leinart to the Lions" Kool-Aid. Would be another Millen "sexy pick"

1:32 - And the Lions take....Ernie Sims...the safe pick? What? I think Marinelli must have drugged Millen or something.....I like the pick, but now that means Matt Leinart midaswell book his trip to Canton because he's going to be a Hall of Famer...

1:35 - Denny Green and the Cards take Leinart 10th...no surprise here....Leinart will flourish in the desert....all because the Lions passed on him

1:46 - Denver trades up for Jay Cutler. I hear he's, "The Next Brett Favre" Does that mean he's going to be largely overrated and throw 29 INT's?

2:00 - Clock is ticking down on Cleveland...maybe they'll pull a Minnesota...what? They traded with Baltimore? What happened to good old bitterness?

2:01 - Ngata goes to Baltimore...and Ray Lewis is doing his dance down in his Miami home right now...

2:10 - Do they have to show the "Click, Clack" ad in EVERY commercial break....UGH!!!

2:14 - Wimbley goes to the Browns...which is what would have happened if they had picked in Baltimore's spot. Way to swindle the Ravens....

2:25 - The Eagles are now on the clock and the fans are ready for the boos....

2:27 - Bunkley finally goes to the Eagles and their fans are...happy? What the hell happened to the Eagles and Jets fans today? I miss the boos.

2:32 - Tye Hill goes to St. Louis...thought they'd go safety but oh well. By the by I just won my ESPN pool for the fourth straight year. BOW TO MY SUPREMECY!

2:44 - Jason Allen goes to the Phins. Which is where Joey is headed as well at some point in the near future. Hope you enjoy him Miami...I'm sure all his problems were because he was in Detroit...it's not because he sucks or anything....

2:55 - Chad Greenway to the Vikes and apparently it's "cool" in the NFC North to draft linebackers because all three North teams have drafted linebackers in the first round. Come on Bears make it a clean sweep!

At this point I got tired of writing all the damn time....so things get pretty spotty....

5:48 - Lions take a safety (Bullocks) after the Eagles traded up to steal Winston Justice. I think that's a pretty good pick. Anything is better then Holt playing free safety...

6:20 - LenDale White finally goes in the second round. Tennessee gets what I think will be the steal of the draft. I'm just happy Green Bay didn't get him....

8:38 - Lions take RB Brian Calhoun in the third round....uh oh...that means somebody's in trouble on the Lions. Pinner I'm looking your way.

9:48 - Just when I think things can't get worse with the "Click, Clack" commercials...Applebee's brings back the singing idiots...only this time they actually have them singing and dancing with Sammy Davis Jr.....this is obviously a sign of the end of days....

9:50 - And with the last pick of the first day the Jets take...Eric Smith from Michigan State. Good move...taking a defensive back from Michigan State....that is what I call a "great" secondary....By the by, no Michigan players taken in the first day. Thought Avant might go but I'm happy Watson didn't....freaking underachiever...

Hope you enjoyed my somewhat running commentary for the draft. Check back later for my "Running Random" on WWE Backlash....