Running Random: WWE Backlash

Well after yesterday's NFL Draft I sat down and watched WWE Backlash and decided to give you yet another "Running Random" on the event. I didn't timestamp these things since I watched it off the DVR late Sunday night...but these are my thoughts as I watched the event...so enjoy...

2006 WWE Backlash

Well here I am again, another day, another running diary of my thoughts on an event. Now I'm pretty excited for this PPV because I think John Cena will FINALLY lose that damn title...but knowing my luck it won't happen. Let's hope for the best and get things started

Opening Video

• Vince thinks he's God, so he booked himself into a tag match with God....I only feel like this can get worse...
• Triple Threat match for WWE Title....Cena BETTER not win...
• JR is apparently calling the PPV...are they trying to phase out Styles so he can work ECW? Oops did I give away the surprise?

Chris "The Masterpiece" Masters vs. Carlito

• Pick: Carlito....how can Masters win this match?
• If you need any proof as to why people think wrestling is gay look no further than Chris Masters' entrance...yikes...
• Video plays of Carlito and Masters "feud"...King says the "turning point" was when Carlito hit Masters and turned on him....thanks for the tip King...
• Masters chokes Carlito with his own shirt....right in front of the ref...um is it me or isn't that illegal? Guess not anymore...
• Referee Mike Chioda is sporting a sweatband on his "pin counting arm"....yes he's that hardcore....
• Masters does a turnbuckle powerbomb on Carlito, which I have enjoyed doing on my PS2 for years now. First time I've actually seen it done for real though. Bravo....
• Masters goes for a cover after a leg drop, but only gets a two count. If that were Hulk Hogan it would be OVER.
• Carlito throws his apple across the ring...and apparently Masters is so stupid that he stares at the apple and Carlito kicks him in the shins....great storytelling...
• Carlito applies Master Lock (Full Nelson) to Masters....who then shows everyone how to break out of the move...so does that mean he won the Master Lock challenge?
• Carlito goes for a cover on Masters, and I think he was supposed to kick out before the three count, but apparently he forgot because the ref had to bail him out by slowing down the third count. Yes Masters is that bad of a wrestler....
• Carlito cheats and gets the win over Masters...thank God because I couldn't go through with that anymore...

Maria interviews Lita...recipe for disaster

• Before this they showed a sampling of Kentucky wrestling fans (no need for a joke here) and Lita makes a Dukes of Hazard crack...way to go Lita...must have thought long and hard for that zing

Umaga vs. Ric Flair

• Pick: Umaga...I really wish he'd just go away, but he's getting the win...
• Why did they saddle Jamal with this gimmick, and why can't people tell who he is? It's pretty obvious who's under the make-up people...
• Umaga vs. Flair = Biggest Boobs of the Night (Sorry Lita, thanks for playing)
• Flair with two shots to the groin in the first two minutes of the match...way to go the well more than necessary...
• Umaga gets the win using the worst finishing move I've ever seen. Imagine the Tornado Punch only much worse. This gimmick is going nowhere fast...which means Umaga will be IC champ by SummerSlam...
• JR goes way overboard in putting over Umaga...and then King makes an horrible illegal immigrant joke....followed by awkward silence for a moment and JR moving onto a different subject...classic stuff....

Vince and Shane promo

• Vince is looking abnormally tan for the second straight month. Apparently he must go to the same tanning place that Hogan frequents....
• Vince is talking about how he's going to go over on God tonight in their tag team match. Kids it always pays to be the booker...you can even make God pull a job apparently....
• As I listen to Vince compare himself to God I think I'm going to Hell just for paying for this....
• Apparently Vince's "God Power" is paying staffers to throw fish and bread from off camera....a "miracle" if I've ever seen one...

Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus - WWE Women's Championship

• Pick: Mickie James retains...either by win or DQ....this one's going to SummerSlam folks...
• Mickie goes for three straight covers....that always works....apparently she doesn't actually watch wrestling
• Trish gets the win via DQ, but Mickie's the champ...gotta love the non-finish...classic WWE

Maria interviews HBK

• HBK says Vince can't book God and God won't actually be there in person....really?
• HBK does the "Suck It" thing again...I really hope they aren't teasing the DX reunion just to be dicks...this better happen

RVD vs. Shelton Benjamin - WWE Intercontinental Title and Money in the Bank

• Pick: RVD...There is NO way RVD loses this match...he's using his money in the bank stip at ECW One Night Stand in June...
• Whatever happened to Shelton's mama? I love how they just drop gimmicks....like how Booker T actually lost the "T" from his name and never won it back....
• JR says RVD "loves 4:20" and then goes on talking about something completely different. What the hell? Way to connect the dots...
• RVD does his thumbs thing for the third time this match...over/under 30 more....
• Lots of chin locks after a couple of high spots. Apparently they are doing a tribute to Randy Orton...
• RVD misses a frog splash and does the great oversell job...Shelton then hits a STIFF DDT....fantastic....need more of those....
• Okay, why is it that everyone who fights RVD always brings a foreign object into the ring? You know it's just going to be used against you? Sure enough Benjamin brings in the briefcase and RVD ends up using it for the VanDammintor....shocking!
• RVD takes the victory and is now the IC Champ....looks to me like it's time for the "Ultimate Challenge" I just hope his promos leading up to it are as good as the Warriors...but alas I don't think that will happen...

Kane vs. Big Show

• Pick: Kane...because he has a movie opening...May 19 I think it is...
• It's evident that Kane can't separate his movies from reality....I hear Robert Downey Jr. has the same problem...
• Show does a promo before his match and references his FANTASTIC star turn in "The Waterboy" I can't believe the Academy overlooked his gritty portrayal of Captain Insano...
• Lilian Garcia shows how "great" of an actress she is as she feigns fear as she announces Kane....somebody needs a class or two at the Y
• Do I really need to comment on this match? It's two big guys wrestling....you know the drill...punches, kicks, a couple of body slams, and dueling chokeslams...
• Okay so the match has taken a turn for the worse.....the arena goes red and Kane's voice starts chanting "May 19th, It's coming" and all sorts of other garbage over the loud speakers. Kane is tormented by his voice and is rolling around the ring. If it was so bad then why did he record the track to be played over the speakers? This is probably the stupidest thing I've ever seen in the WWE....and I've seen Doink the Clown.
• I think what scares Kane about May 19th is the Da Vinci Code starring Tom Hanks' Haircut which opens that day....creepy...
• Big Show clobbers Kane with chair to end the madness. Show puts out some fake crying to show that he "cares" about Kane's mental state....more great acting....Basically this feud was so that you don't forget Kane's movie comes out May 19...it's the one you'll read on the showtime list that will fall right after the Da Vinci Code...so I guess no one will even know it's there.....

Vince and Candace in "Worse Backstage Skit Ever"

• Let me set the scene for you. Candace goes to Vince saying she has a chest cold, and since Vince is "God-Like" wants his healing powers. Apparently that means Vince feels Candace up, while Candace has an orgasm....I'm not kidding....They both WAY oversell things as the go towards the couch, and THANKFULLY Shane breaks up the festivities.
• JR then somes everything up...."What the hell was that?" Exactly....

HBK and God vs. Vince and Shane McMahon

• Pick: HBK...if only to end the madness
• Vince introduces God, who gets his own music and Titantron Video and a spotlight...classy. The spotlight makes its way towards the ring and Vince decides...to talk to it....yep it keeps getting better...Vince then tells "God" that the WWE gets "jiggy with it" so they started playing 70's disco music as the spotlight "danced" its way into the ring and while Vince danced as well. What....the....hell....am....I....watching.
• Vince decides to have more fun by asking the ref to check "God" for illegal stuff. The ref tries to tell Vince that it's only a spotlight, but Vince is having none of that....no...he's crazy!
• Finally HBK comes down to the ring...Vince keeps going with the crazy talk until HBK slaps the mic out of his hand. THANK YOU! God does indeed work in mysterious ways....
• Shane, per the usual in pay-per-view matches, takes a ton of stiff bumps on various hard objects. That man is a gamer...
• Vince and HBK crash from the stage "through the floor" Read: Through tables with padding underneath
• HBK is getting his ass beat in the middle of the ring....when is God coming in with the hot tag? Sorry had to make the joke....
• HBK is out in the center of the ring (various weapon shots) and Vince is back in the stick...Now he's talking to the ring post as if it were God...and he imagines God leaving HBK high and dry....guess God doesn't even want to stick around for this match...
• HBK gets his "second wind" as and hits double Sweet Chin Music...followed by DX crotch chops...DON'T TEASE ME!!
• HBK goes for huge ladder spot, but hits Spirit Squad instead...the Spirit Squad help the McMahons go over. King makes the unfortunate God joke..."The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit Squad" I can't believe this...now we're going to have to endure MORE of the Vince is God garbage...GOUGE OUT MY EYES!!!

Tough Questions Todd Grisham interviews John Cena

• Grisham calls Cena "Most Controversial WWE Champ in History" Controversy? What controversy? 90% of people hate him...that my friend is called a consensous...
• Cena says there is a "group" that wants Triple H to win title....that group...everybody....
• Cena then looks into camera and calls us "Haters"....nice comeback...HE BETTER LOSE DAMNIT!!

Triple thre....wait a Matt Stiker Segment?

• Striker segment on a PPV? Did I just change the channel to Heat or something?
• Eugene comes out and you know where this is going. Let's just say there is a "poop" chant and boogers were involved. This is the ammunition people have when they question why we watch wrestling....

Triple Threat match for WWE Title

• Pick: Edge...but as long as Cena doesn't win I'm happy
• Edge comes out and the crowd goes....apathetic...not his fault...Trips is the face in this one and Cena's the heel...so Edge is just "the other guy"
• HHH comes out to cheers (and he's a heel mind you) but sadly no Conan Thrown this time....makes me kinda sad...
• Cena comes out to boos...apparently Kentucky is full of "Haters"
• Traditional start to triple threat match...3 minutes of talking....
• Cena and HHH take turns playing "one up" while beating the crap out of Edge...good clean fun...even with Cena involved
• Cena goes for his Five Knuckle Shuffle (a little less stupid then Umaga's punch) but Lita gives him the low bridge on the ropes....for once I'm actually happy with Lita cheating (inside joke...sorry if you didn't get it)
• Edge tries to DDT HHH through Spanish Announce Table...but Table is sick of being beaten up and is having none of it...HHH just takes a hard shot on table and falls off of it....
• Cena slaps on the...ugh...STFU....on Edge. HE BETTER NOT TAP DAMNIT! HHH grabs Edge's hand so there is no tap...Thank God...or should I say Thank McMahon...wait...no....
• Cena now tries STFU on HHH....no way HHH is tapping again....and he gets out of it....
• Lita has a chair in the ring and goes after HHH, but gets nailed with a GREAT spinebuster from Trips. He does the best spinebuster in the business. AWESOME!
• HHH foregoes the chair for a sledgehammer under the ring....not a good decision...these things never end well...sure enough Edge hits him with the spear....
• Cena's has Edge up for the FU (BOO)...REVERSE TO PEDIGREE (CHEER)...Reverse to roll up...wait...NOOOOO!!! Cena pins HHH on crappy roll up. DAMNIT!!! WHY DO YOU KEEP THE BELT ON THIS GUY!!! Thankfully HHH takes out our collective anger on Cena with a sledgehammer. He then does the DX crotch chop, walks up the ramp and does it again for good measure....I suppose I can overlook this Cena win if the end result is DX getting back together....let's hope it happens because I can't take much more of this....

And that's that. I did a pretty good job picking the winners but the one match I really cared about ends with Cena and the win....DX BETTER GET BACK TOGETHER TOMORROW!! I MEAN IT!!!

Until next time....

Running Random: 2006 NFL Draft

Sorry about the lack of posts the past couple of weeks. You will be rewarded with back-to-back "Running Random" posts where I pretty much keep a running diary during an event. Our first event is essentially my Christmas...the NFL Draft....so without further ado...

Running Random on the 2006 NFL Draft

NOON - It's time for one of my favorite events of the year, the NFL Draft. I'm sitting on my couch wearing my Lions Roy Williams jersey, with a Mountain Dew and some Pizza Rolls, so I'm ready to go! I get the feeling the Lions may take a QB today, but more on that later...on with the show!

12:06 - They are showing Reggie Bush and Mario Williams in the green room. Anyone else hoping for them to bust out in a fight? It would be great if Williams was walking out and Bush cracked him in the back with a chair. Talk about a draft moment....

12:07 - So Reggie Bush's family "rented" a house from a guy named Michael Michaels...who "amazingly" may have some interesting connections....never trust a man with two first names...they are always shady

12:08 - Bush is interviewed and says he's, "Preparing for the best" I think what he meant to say is "F-off Houston"

12:10 - I'm wondering if Vegas has the odds on the over under for the first Mel Kiper vs. Merril Hodge fight? I'm thinking it will be around 12:45....Mel Kiper is the best. The man looks almost the same as he did during his first draft coverage, plus he knows every college football player on the planet Earth. He's what makes the draft great.....

12:14 - And with the first pick the Texans take Mario Williams....because he would take less money....good move Texans, we'll see you back at the top of the draft next year. Houston will rue the day they didn't take Bush....

12:16 - Michael Irvin is so angry that the Texans didn't take Bush that I think he may be getting a cut of Bush's first contract. Someone needs to tell Michael that the 2nd pick can actually get paid more than the first....look at Charles Rogers....ugh..I think I'm going to be sick...

12:18 - They just showed a shot of the Saints fans having their party at the Saints Practice Facility. Hmm, think they may be happy with Houston's pick?

12:24 - Oh by the way, had the Lions lost to the Saints last season they would be the ones with the 2nd pick. Here's what would have happened. They would have traded the pick, drafted Vince Young and ruined him while Reggie Bush runs to the Hall of Fame....so I guess I'm happy Millen didn't get that chance to screw things up....at least not yet....

12:28 - And with the second pick the Saints take Reggie Bush. Drew Brees is so excited he high fives his friend and sets himself back three months after shoulder surgery.....

12:29 - Saints fans are very happy at practice facility....and in a related story the suicide rate of Texans fans has suddenly increased.

12:30 - It's the first time they've compared Bush to Gail Sayers....I'm guess we're going to hear that about oh about 1,000 more times in the next few hours...

12:35 - The Titans select Vince Young, and even went to the trouble of actually having a number 10 jersey for him instead of the number one that most guys get...and the Titans were "undecided" over which QB huh? By the way, Leinart is slipping and Millen is salivating...

12:37 - They just showed a Young highlight from the Rose Bowl against Michigan....gotta love all the Michigan arm tackles....counted at least 10....great defense there Jim Herman...

12:39 - Chris Berman just said that Young got into a bicycle accident as a kid and had a handlebar stuck in his stomach...damn...he's hardcore....TAKE THAT MCNAIR!

12:45 - They haven't gone to Merrill Hodge yet to make some ridiculous comment on how horrible Vince Young is (he said he wouldn't pick him in the first DAY of the draft...crazy)...I'm kind of surprised. Hodge vs. Kiper is always good for a few filler minutes. Also leave it to the Jets to slow down the draft. We ALL know you're taking the Brick....

12:47 - And the Jets take D'Brickashaw and the Jets fans...cheer? What? By the way if you're scoring my ESPN draft pool at home I'm 4-4 right now....

12:50 - That Under Armour "Click, Clack" commercial is annoying as hell. Unfortunately I think I'm going to be seeing it A LOT today.

12:57 - Green Bay is taking forever to make a decision on something they've already made their mind up about. Maybe Brett Favre is running their draft now....

12:58 - Berman says he doesn't think the Lions are looking to take Leinart if he slips. "Lions aren't looking QB" Almost sounds like "Lions aren't looking Receiver"

12:59 - A.J. Hawk is taken by the Pack (5-5)....I hate the Packers already and putting Hawk on the team only helps that out. CUT THE HAIR!

1:05 - Vernon Davis is picked by the 49ers (6-6) and promptly pulls and Adam Morrison by balling his eyes out. I'm sure his new 49er teammates won't make fun of him for that....

1:06 - Davis is officially picked by the 49ers (he was on the phone with them earlier) and it's a great pick. That dude is a freak, but needs to temper the crying down a bit.

1:11 - Raiders are now on the clock, and they are about to break the Lions hearts and take Michael Huff....just you watch

1:13 - Vernon Davis says to Suzy Kolber that he's motivated by Kellen Winslow Jr.....I'm sure that's exactly what the 49ers wanted to hear. Let's hope he's not motivated to take motorcycle lessons from Winslow....

1:14 - Huff goes to the Raiders (7-7) and Millen is already starting to scribble "Matt Lei..." on the Lions draft card...

1:19 - Where's the Madden 07 commercial? I swear if I have to watch that "Click, Clack" add 1,000 times today I better be able to at least get a look at the new Madden...

1:26 - The Bills are up and they take...Donte Whitner?!?! That high? They shouldn't let Levy out of the home....but at least that leaves Leinart for the Lions...

1:30 - I'm officially drinking the "Leinart to the Lions" Kool-Aid. Would be another Millen "sexy pick"

1:32 - And the Lions take....Ernie Sims...the safe pick? What? I think Marinelli must have drugged Millen or something.....I like the pick, but now that means Matt Leinart midaswell book his trip to Canton because he's going to be a Hall of Famer...

1:35 - Denny Green and the Cards take Leinart 10th...no surprise here....Leinart will flourish in the desert....all because the Lions passed on him

1:46 - Denver trades up for Jay Cutler. I hear he's, "The Next Brett Favre" Does that mean he's going to be largely overrated and throw 29 INT's?

2:00 - Clock is ticking down on Cleveland...maybe they'll pull a Minnesota...what? They traded with Baltimore? What happened to good old bitterness?

2:01 - Ngata goes to Baltimore...and Ray Lewis is doing his dance down in his Miami home right now...

2:10 - Do they have to show the "Click, Clack" ad in EVERY commercial break....UGH!!!

2:14 - Wimbley goes to the Browns...which is what would have happened if they had picked in Baltimore's spot. Way to swindle the Ravens....

2:25 - The Eagles are now on the clock and the fans are ready for the boos....

2:27 - Bunkley finally goes to the Eagles and their fans are...happy? What the hell happened to the Eagles and Jets fans today? I miss the boos.

2:32 - Tye Hill goes to St. Louis...thought they'd go safety but oh well. By the by I just won my ESPN pool for the fourth straight year. BOW TO MY SUPREMECY!

2:44 - Jason Allen goes to the Phins. Which is where Joey is headed as well at some point in the near future. Hope you enjoy him Miami...I'm sure all his problems were because he was in Detroit...it's not because he sucks or anything....

2:55 - Chad Greenway to the Vikes and apparently it's "cool" in the NFC North to draft linebackers because all three North teams have drafted linebackers in the first round. Come on Bears make it a clean sweep!

At this point I got tired of writing all the damn time....so things get pretty spotty....

5:48 - Lions take a safety (Bullocks) after the Eagles traded up to steal Winston Justice. I think that's a pretty good pick. Anything is better then Holt playing free safety...

6:20 - LenDale White finally goes in the second round. Tennessee gets what I think will be the steal of the draft. I'm just happy Green Bay didn't get him....

8:38 - Lions take RB Brian Calhoun in the third round....uh oh...that means somebody's in trouble on the Lions. Pinner I'm looking your way.

9:48 - Just when I think things can't get worse with the "Click, Clack" commercials...Applebee's brings back the singing idiots...only this time they actually have them singing and dancing with Sammy Davis Jr.....this is obviously a sign of the end of days....

9:50 - And with the last pick of the first day the Jets take...Eric Smith from Michigan State. Good move...taking a defensive back from Michigan State....that is what I call a "great" secondary....By the by, no Michigan players taken in the first day. Thought Avant might go but I'm happy Watson didn't....freaking underachiever...

Hope you enjoyed my somewhat running commentary for the draft. Check back later for my "Running Random" on WWE Backlash....